the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
3.26.2003
Ah.. Sex Ed.
Sadly, my days in sex ed are slowly coming to a close as the end of the third marking period draws near.
How I'll miss all of the drawings of penises and vaginas that once graced the chalkboards, the horrible Lifetime Network TV movies about date rape, and of course, Ms. Mulvey, our teacher, blowing up condoms and giving them to us like balloons.
Ms. Mulvey is awesome.
I'll really miss her.
Not only is she an incredibly nice lady, she is the epitome of attractiveness.
Who could resist her enormous, curly, black mullet, her piercing blue eyes, and her beautiful smile of three teeth (all gold)?
With her oversized sweatshirts and stretchy plaid pants worn with socks scrunched down over them, not only is she a forerunner of fashion, but also a stunning living time capsule of the late 1980's and the early 1990's.
Half of the class is usually spent watching her doing Irish dances (she's the International Dance teacher in gym) to the "Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance" cd blasting from her boombox.
The other half of the class is especially devoted to her love of animal sex.
No joke.
Ms. Mulvey apparently grew up on a farm and grew to appreciate the fornication of farm animals, especially horses.
In response to a question about the life-span of sperm, she said,
"Oh, I've seen buckets of horse sperm on the farm, they live for several days."
BUCKETS OF HORSE SPERM?
She has also conducted several classes about the binobo monkeys, who apparently spend their entire lifelong existence having, well, wild monkey sex.
This lady loves. animal. sex.
Another entire class was devoted to animal penis shapes.
A pig's penis is apparently curly just like its tail. A whale penis is the size of a person.
Then, to show us what a "real" boner was, Mulvey decided to whip out her personal collection of:
Raccoon penis bones!!!!!
She reached down into her scrunchy socks and pulled out two raccoon penis bones.
From her socks. Penis bones. In her socks.
What a woman.
I love you Ms. Mulvey.
**Note: I also updated my College Blog. Czech it out if you wish.**
[Peek-a-Foo]