the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
12.26.2003
Best. Winterbreak. Ever.
Are you asking yourself, "Now, how good exactly is this 'Best. Winterbreak. Ever.'?"
Well, let me tell you.
My computer completely frizzle-fried two days after I returned home from college.
To counteract this tragedy, I went out with T. for some cathartic holiday shopping.
The mall was completely coagulated with ugly loud children, disgruntled old people in saggy sweaters, and fat angry mothers.
Nothing was accomplished, as is the usual case when it's only a few days before Christmas.
So after this fun outing at the horrible mall,
1. after I had some of T.'s ice cream,
2. after T. coughed and sneezed on me throughout the night,
3. after T. breathed heavily and laboriously in my face for a prolonged period of time,
the morning following this experience, I woke up at 2am by the sound of my own voice saying out loud in agony, "UGHHHH. SOMEONE KILL ME."
T., your friend and mine, who told me the next day that:
1. he has an ear infection and
2. his sister and her boyfriend both have stomach viruses and
3. he threw up that morning
predictably, had infected me with his disgusting germs.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
After finally recovering from my sudden illness by sleeping through most of the past two days, Christmas was anything but spectacular --
My mom, surrounded by scented candles and cheesy ornaments from her co-workers, was pissing and moaning about the fact that we didn't get her billions of dollars in gold, diamonds, and pinky rings and the royal crown encrusted with jewels that she was apparently expecting from us. (Perhaps if I send myself off as a high-end mail-order bride, we will one day be able to afford such expected Christmas gifts for her.)
My dad once again played the role of "buyer of things that no one will ever use" and unveiled his purchases of WaterPiks and showerheads.
My brother revealed his big holiday buy: a corkscrew.
I got four "Merry Christmas, are you still alive?" calls throughout the day, one from a horrible crazy stalker, another from a different less-crazy stalker, then from someone awesome, then from T., my bacterial assailant.
The latter two of which were nice.
But all of the potential nice factors are completely negated by the fact that in less than six hours, I have to go get four teeth pulled out of my fucking face.
[Peek-a-Foo]