the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
8.24.2004
Classics, Schmassics.
I just get really uncomfortable when people start talking about old rock music, because of my complete ignorance of the names of the individual musicians, albums, and even songs sometimes. I mean, let's think about it for a second from my perspective: Van Halen, Motley Crue, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Guns N Roses... All of them project the same kind of general image to me -- Enormous, dirty hair, tight dirty jeans, a shrieking raw voice coming out of an enormous filthy mouth, and fringe-covered leather jackets.
I have to confess that I only know it's Aerosmith that does "Walk This Way" with Run DMC because they play it on the TV network at the gym I went to this summer. I only know Geddy Lee is in Rush because I read an interview with him in a Pop Smear magazine I got for free at the 1999 Warped Tour that ended with the interviewer shouting repeatedly into a dead receiver, "Geddy Lee of Rush? Geddy Lee of Rush??" And what's much, much, MUCH worse is that I fell in love with Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" only after watching this retardedly cute abomination.
People are also always shocked when they bring up really popular movie "classics" and I say, "Oh I don't think I've seen it" or "I've never heard of that." I guess people feel like they have some kind of obligation to watch every single Tarentino movie, every Kevin Smith (I have seen ZERO Kevin Smith films, with the exception of 15 minutes of the end of Mall Rats -- which is a crime against New Jersey, apparently), every Spielberg, every whatever (yeah, my knowledge of directors goes just as far as my knowledge of 80's hair bands).. But the fact is, I just haven't seen all the movies that were really big deals in the 80's into the 90's because I was too busy doing important things such as being conceived, being born, and developing basic motor skills. Plus, like ten years ago, when my mom and I passed by Pulp Fiction in Blockbuster when it first came out on video, she gawked at Uma Thurman spread out on the cover and told me she'd pluck my eyes out of my face if I ever wanted to watch something so filthy. So, like, I saw Pulp Fiction only a few months ago for the first time. It felt like a fucking coming-of-age experience.
I attribute this massive case of ignorance to my Korean upbringing. I never listened to the radio. Since my parents were hardworking immigrants, I was raised by the TV. My first mix tape consisted of the theme songs of television sitcoms like "Family Matters," "Full House," "Perfect Strangers," "Golden Girls," and god knows what else. Possibly the theme song to "America's Funniest Home Videos," shamefully. ("Hey Sandy" by Polaris from the show "Pete and Pete," however, is incredible, by the way.) My parents didn't ease into middle age listening to The Grateful Dead -- or whatever it is that middle aged white folks listen to -- and though they claim to recall a few Beatles songs, when "Yesterday" played on the radio, my mom could only sing along with: "Yesterday.. na na La la la so fah la la." I mean, the closest thing I've seen to my parents rocking out was watching them, in utter mortification, sing Korean songs on a kareoke machine in someone's basement.
So yeah. Basically, there's nary a blip on my pop culture radar between the year 1985 to probably, say, 1994 or so, when I heard Ace of Base and Weezer playing during our 5th grade class Christmas party. And when I heard "The Sign" and "Buddy Holly," respectively, blasting in my ears, I totally realized what I'd been missing out on for so many long years. So doesn't it make sense, that at age 10 or 11, I progressed through music, rather than going back to 80's rock? Doesn't it!?
DOESN'T IT??!
So yeah. That's the long explanation as to why I didn't know who you were talking about when you said you saw Sammy Haggar riding his bike down the block. And I know you told me who he is, but I've forgotten already. But I bet he has ridiculously huge 80's hair.
[Peek-a-Foo]