the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
9.09.2004
Fort Knockers.
I was heading south on a train en route to a really nice Labor Day vacation, when a sweaty white man in a pink, collared golf shirt walked by, eyeing the vacant two-thirds of my three seater lustfully. He was presumably in his 40's, red-faced, with a set of extremely shifty eyes that should have been an indication of trouble, but my faith in the decency of old white people got the best of me. So, when he asked me if he could sit next to me, I said, "Sure."
I slid over to the window seat, and he sat in the one closest to the aisle, sipping on a little McDonalds cup. Carrying a little leather satchel overflowing with papers with him, he looked harmless enough, I guess. He was butt ugly and had that typical boring-old-white-dude look to him, so I tried to avoid receiving any attempts at conversation by staring out the window instead -- Hey, maybe I'd see two people totally having sex on the railroad tracks, again.
The guy seemed to be really nervous and sweaty. Not a good sign. I looked over at his poor, stupid looking face, and he had his leather bag on his lap. He looked at me for half a second and hurriedly looked away. Nothing too unusual, though, I thought to myself.
I did notice, however, that when I looked at his reflection in the window every now and then, I could totally see him just staring at me, slack-jawed.
He got up at the next stop and said, "THANKS FOR THE SEAT" as he handed me this:
I'm no stranger to creeps on public transportation, so I figured it was just another stupid guy trying to be suave, slipping me his digits on his way off the train, but I opened up the crumpled McDonalds napkin, and to my surprise, it said this:
He was halfway down the aisle when I read it, and when I looked up with, no doubt, an expression of confusion on my naive, flat Asian face, his eyes locked intensely with mine and he gave me a pert, firm nod.
I sat there holding up the napkin, still a little stupefied, when the fat lady who had been sitting across from us the entire time hissed at me in a loud whisper:
"HE WAS MASTURBATING!!! THAT MAN WAS MASTURBATING! HE. ACTUALLY. HAD. IT. OUT." (::pumps her fist at her crotch, making jerk-off motions::)
Well, gee thanks for telling me NOW, you stupid fat whore. Thanks a lot for just sitting there like a big fat asshole while a disgusting white dude wanked his dickmeat in plain sight while staring at my bongos.
[Peek-a-Foo]
