the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
2.28.2005
How To Get Food Poisoning.
In an unprecedented streak of non-productivity and sheer laziness, I (1) stopped wearing bras and (2) have let the stack of dirty dishes pile up to an alarming height. I suppose it's only going to be a matter of time until (1) my boobs start sagging to the point at which they're brushing against my kneecaps and (2) I get salmonella, but (1) I'm enjoying the pre-sag freedom and (2) I'm coming up with so many creative (re: ghetto) surfaces to eat upon that it's getting hard to stop. I also can't stop numbering things.
The past few days, I confess with no shame that I have eaten food from the following receptacles:
used Chinese food takeout containers,
plastic tofu tubs,
the lids on Chinese food takeout containers,
the lids on Chinese food takeout containers, turned upside down,
a butter tray,
a used plastic sushi container, with green fake paper grass,
used cup noodle cups,
a recently vacated Philadelphia cream cheese tub, carefully scraped clean,
my Abnormal Psychology textbook,
a layer of plastic grocery bags,
my miniature Hello Kitty coffee pot,
a coffee can
The list sadly goes on further, beyond my wildest, trashiest imagination. I was this close to pouring cereal directly into a carton of milk and then directly dumping the mixture into my mouth.
My favorite, however, was realizing that I was up at 3am, eating Special K out of a 1 cup measuring cup and then immediately following it with a scoop of ice cream (Edy's Fudge Tracks: "vanilla light ice cream with swirls of fudge and chunks of peanut butter cups") eaten out of the matching 1/2 cup plastic measuring cup with my suitemate's now terribly bent-necked teaspoon.
[Peek-a-Foo]