the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
4.13.2005
Snot, Snot, EVERYWHERE!
I just want everyone to know something very important about me.
I'm getting over this two-week long cold that made me go through two full-sized Kleenex boxes (the soft lotion ones are key) and two rolls of toilet paper, because my nose has been gushing like the mighty flowing loins of an angered Mount Vesuvius.
I've been alleviating much of my pain by giving myself what I lovingly call a "Nose Jaccuzzi": I fill my cupped hands with warm water, stick my nose into it, and blow through my nose, allowing delightfully luxurious, warm bubbles to cascade from out of my nose along my torn, scabby, red nasal passageways. It is TO DIE FOR.
In any case, so yeah. I've been blowing my nose a lot. So much so that my other bed (my roommate moved out so I have both mattresses pressed together to form a king size bed) is ENTIRELY COVERED in wadded up messes of toilet paper filled with my snot. And if you know anything at all about me, it's that I blow my nose loudly and with no remorse. I do not spare the women and children. I blow my nose with as much gusto as I would the former President, were I a chubby, insecure intern with severe cock-gobbling issues.
So today, like any other day, I woke up around 3 in the afternoon, sat in front of my computer, and started to blow my nose so I could breathe. On my third blow or so, I felt something... break. Yes, "break." Yes, SOMETHING BROKE INSIDE OF MY FACE. I shrugged it off and ripped off another three-square snot rag and let loose.
This is when things went.. awry.
This time, when I magnificently blew my nose like a mighty trumpeting elephant, snot came SHOOTING OUT FROM MY LEFT EYE.
That's right. Snot came SHOOTING OUT FROM MY LEFT EYE.
I tried blowing my nose again, and with the same results. I felt like Peter North, dousing everything with my warm eye/snot/nose come, left and right, again sparing neither women nor children.
[Peek-a-Foo]