the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
7.26.2005
How to Not Impress Me:
Sound upset that I can't show up earlier -- then finally return my 4-5 unanswered phone calls upon my arrival saying, "Oh yeah, I'm going to be 20 minutes late."
Spit your chewed up gum in my face and cackle.
When I say, "You like shiny things don't you (in reference to a hideous holographic suit you bought off the street for $75.00)?" respond with "Yeah, shiny like your FACE!"
Grudgingly sit down with me at an already shitty Thai place and bitch for the next 15 minutes about how terrible the service is. The place is run by filthy immigrants!! What do you expect?
Proceed to get up from your seat and yell angrily at the miserable looking immigrant girls, "You know what? We've been waiting here for 15 minutes and you don't even take our order. You don't even ask us if we want some fucking water. We're leaving. This is not good customer service!" I'm wondering what kind of customer service a couple of stupid young immigrant girls (who probably didn't speak English) had to offer in the first place.
Ignore that everyone in the restaurant is staring at you.
Yell at me for the next 20 minutes in the miserably hot weather because I asked you to stop yelling at the girl, shouting in my face, "What, I'm not allowed to get fucking mad? Why are you trying to shush me? I'm not allowed to get fucking mad around you? Is that it?"
Loudly ask several people eating at tables outside of a restaurant for directions, interrupting their meals and conversations.
Continue yelling at me for not "listening."
Then, half a block later, shove me on the sidewalk and send me sprawling.
Ignore that the people sitting at those tables are looking at this spectacle, aghast, and that several men have gotten up from their seats to see if they have to intervene.
Start laughing to show that you're just playing around.
Once out of sight and earshot, continue yelling at me about the Thai restaurant incident.
Finally arrive at our destination (a clothing store in Brooklyn), announcing loudly in front of people who work there that you don't like anything that they have.
Leave in a cab, because even though I cancelled other plans to hang out with your ass, you made other plans last minute that day and had to leave me there, alone in Brooklyn, to find my own way back.
Call me later to find me upset -- then YELL at me on the phone saying, "Don't do this to me right now. I'm out with my friend. Don't ruin my night, okay? DON'T RUIN MY FUCKING NIGHT!"
Call me the next day to find me still upset, and say that you got me something. You can't buy off hurt feelings. You also didn't let me get in two words in the conversation, then hung up abruptly.
Call me later the same day to ask me if I want to come into New York from Jersey, then get extremely offended when I say that it's too late in the day to make the 1.5 hour train ride.
Pretend that you don't know that I'm upset and hurt. Actually, you probably don't even have a fucking clue. That's how fucking insensitive you are.
I regret to inform you that you have been crossed off the list of decent people I enjoy spending time with. I have made a notation next to your name: "Bad apple." Also: "Bad taste in clothing." And further: "Needs anger management classes." Thank you and goodnight.
[Peek-a-Foo]