the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
4.07.2008
Chairs.
I've been wondering why my legs are so sore lately... I just realized today that it's probably because from Monday through Wednesday, I was mostly bed-ridden in the hospital, and Wednesday through Sunday, I've been pretty much on self-prescribed house arrest (not so much out of fear but out of laziness and comfort I guess). After so much disuse, I think my muscles atrophied a little, and I'm not used to so much movement! ("So much movement" = "walking from the kitchen to the can.")
My ass injury surprisingly still doesn't really hurt so much, except when I'm sitting in one position for an extended period of time, or if I'm getting up out of a chair. Getting out of chairs really is a killer. I feel something in my coccyx (hehe, coccyx) pop, then I feel the laceration pop open, and then for the next 20 minutes I get to enjoy the soothing feeling of fluids leaking out of the puncture wound in my ass, slicking up my butt crack and soaking a nice crusty line all up in my undies... cool. If you were eating as you read that last sentence -- you're welcome.
I've come up with a few creative ways to get out of chairs besides the typical "normal" way to do it, which is to plan your feet on the ground and hoist your body up with your legs, optionally using your arms to push up. The leg plant/hoist is really what makes it feel like Wolverine is about to slash his way out of my ass crack, so it's upper body all the way...
1. Slowly cross one leg over the other, and start spinning 180 degrees, and plant my face into the back of the chair, holding my body up with my arms. Bite my lip to make the pulsating pain less distracting. Plant feet on ground, push my body up with my arms, remove face from back of chair.
2. Slowly slouch lower and lower in my seat. Once the small of my back is reaching the end of the seat, bend my knees as much possible, and gradually sink to my knees, with my arms holding me up. Gradually crawl to the nearest bed or soft spot on the floor. Take a nap.
[Peek-a-Foo]