the only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[dismemberment plan]
5.04.2006
Fuck!
Well, yesterday I got the ol' automated email from The Onion:
Thank you for your interest in being an editorial intern at The Onion. Unfortunately, due to the large volume of applications we received and the limited number of internship spots we have available, we are unable to offer you an internship.
Thank you for taking the time to apply, and we hope you continue to read America's Finest News Source.
Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit.
But the good news is, I was half hoping to get rejected from them! Well, that doesn't mean I didn't still curl up into the fetal position, consume superhuman amounts of chocolate chip cookies and Yuengling, and sing along to the Gin Blossoms for a little while ("Hey Jealousy" specifically, what can I say, I'm a softie for early 90's ballads), but I did get accepted as an intern at The L Magazine, CRACKED Magazine, and VICE Magazine and was having a hard time choosing which to take... Now I think I can work at all three! Nice.
Now... anyone have a real (paying) job for me? ... Please?
Also, I've been meaning to write about this but keep forgetting:
E. met Bono (of U2 that is -- not the zombie corpse of Congressman Sonny) a week or two ago to record a voiceover with the band for an ESPN commercial.
Now, I've seen Bono in once person before -- I saw him walking around Washington Square Park a year or two ago, just minding his own business, strutting around in a shiny burgundy leather jacket and his signature wraparound glasses.
But I guess I didn't really get THAT good of a look at him, because according to E., Bono is easily only about 5'4" tall -- and that's with him wearing "platform Doc Martens that were like 1 inch thick." And, his hair was cut short: "He looked like Robin Williams."
That's not the most bizarre part, though... The best part, to me, is that Bono showed up inexplicably wearing a pirate eye patch over one eye.
Oh, Bono. You and your "Mysterious Ways."
And speaking of pirates, this makes me laugh. A lot:
Personally, the "Avast" button gets me every time. Every time.
I tried Zicam nasal spray, but it felt like there was congealed beef consomme in my face -- kind of like I was lubing up my brain for a hot skull-fucking.
I'm currently taking Tylenol Allergy Complete, which makes me feel like Complete Shit.
[Peek-a-Foo]
